On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
