I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
