It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize