where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
