she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize