why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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