i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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