You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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