I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
where am i from again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
