im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
