I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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