I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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