Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
