Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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