you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize