i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
