He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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