Dude my mom stole all your condoms
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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