I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
