i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
