So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
