i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
