my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
