Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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