Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
