I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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