just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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