So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
