My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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