I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
