i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
