Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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