We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
