just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
whose parrot is this?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
