There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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