I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
