I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
