He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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