I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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