I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
