I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize