I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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