I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
