I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hippo gnu deer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
