Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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