How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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