well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
