it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
