and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
