love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wish there were birth control emojis
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
