Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
