Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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