i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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