My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
