It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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