my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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