i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
