He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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