Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
