I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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