if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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