so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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