My cat gives me a boner
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
