just tell him i said nine months
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
