She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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