and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you inspire me to be a worse person
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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