You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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