It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
