The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
