And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
