I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
