I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
