this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
